THE LEARNING SHED
by Steve Schuster

   If you’re like me you have often wondered why there isn’t a school that appeals to people’s endless need for sex, love, greed and instant gratification. That’s why I created The Learning Shed. These are courses designed for people with limited attention spans like yourselves. We’ve sorted through the latest fads in hype and marketing to bring you these awesome courses. Who knows you might even meet that special someone, there.

President and founder - Steven R Schuster

    There are several million handicapped people in America. Learn how to tap into this tremendous source of profit. Handicapped people are always dependent, and sometimes alone and vulnerable. This spells profit opportunity for you. The handicapped purchase millions of dollars worth of goods and services each yr. Fortunately for you they are not in a position to shop around. In what other business can you charge excessively and still maintain the respect and gratitude of the community, except law and medicine? Start helping others by helping yourself, today.

    Whether you’re funding a new business venture or need money for that long anticipated drunken jaunt in Cancun, your parents are often an overlooked source of capital.
     Learn how to anticipate and overcome common objections that your parents may throw out at you. Use guilt to empower yourself. Turn that unconditional love into cold hard cash. And remember you don’t have to wait for the funeral to enjoy the fruits of your inheritance.

Tues and Thurs. in Nov.

Part 1 - Using guilt to get what you want

Part 2 - Closing the sale

Here’s what people are saying about, "How to Get Money From Your Parents."

Mr. and Mrs. Marshall Goldberg Media PA, " Our son Jonathan talked us into giving him $6,000.00 to fund an E business and he spent it on prostitutes and phone sex. We were pretty upset until we realized that the skills he acquired to sell us, were marketing skills that will stay with him for his entire life. We were so impressed that we decided to bring him into the family life insurance business."

Tuesdays in Oct.

    The secret to videotaping the police is that if you do it enough, sooner or later the cops are going to screw up and you’ll be there to capture the moment on film. Whether it’s excessive force, not following proper procedures or speaking rudely to citizens, your film could be worth a gold mine to the news media.

        In today’s politically correct society there is a myriad of human and animal rights agencies that will pay good money for your film, whether the officer is violating the rights of a criminal, drunk or even a dog.

    Learn how to associate with industry heavy weights like Rev. Al Sharpton. If you like to watch cop shows and are looking for adventure this could be for you.

Tues. in Oct.

   Each year thousands of self help books are jammed onto the shelves of you local book store. Every conceivable subject, no matter how basic and intuitive is covered. Some professor somewhere would have you relearn your toilet habits. Going to the Bathroom for Dummies.

    The self-help market is so huge that there are books narrowly targeted to such topics as low self esteem for lesbian feminist skin heads, and assertiveness training for Hispanic midgets. There is even a low self esteem section at your local book store. Although most people with low self esteem are usually to embarrassed to ask for it, by name.

        It would be great if reading these books solved all your problems, but the problem is, that you spend so much time reading and worrying , that you don’t have time to tackle your problem.

    In the good old days we didn’t need self-help books. People with low self esteem were bullied by insensitive, obnoxious high school coaches and loud mouthed parents. They were thus forced to confront and defeat their weaknesses. Most did. The unsuccessful ones either committed suicide or ended up in skid row, thus performing the noble task of thinning the herd.

    We didn’t need Sex for Dummies in the good old days. A 20 minute porno movie and a box of Kleenex were all the primer a young man needed to learn the skilled techniques of love making.  If he made a mistake, he learned on the job.

    Now remember, you can’t buy a self help book for the purpose of breaking the self help book habit. That would be like blowing your brains out with a revolver in order to protest handguns. That is why you must attend this course.

    The course is organized into the familiar 12 step program that so many self help enthusiasts are comfortable with. With 12 steps we can make the course 12 weeks long, so much better for us.  Free up your spare time by breaking the self help habit today.  And thanks for sharing.

Joe Buck - (male hustler- Times Square, NYC)
     "I was addicted to self help books. But when I read a book about how to clean my dirty apartment and my apartment remained filthy because I spent all my time reading, I knew I needed professional help.  So, I enrolled in (Breaking The Self Help Addiction.)  Now I’m back on the street hustling and my apartment is cleaner than ever, thanks to The Learning Shed."

    Get ahead with your family, friends, and co-workers by appearing to be sensitive. Learn how to turn the most mundane experiences, like taking out the garbage, into life affirming experiences.
    Impress your friends and acquaintances with jargon and psycho babble. Using phrases like, "what are you feeling?", make people think that you are concerned about them without any additional effort on your part or creating a negative outcome for yourself.
    Learn how to control and manipulate people with their enthusiastic appreciation. Get rid of unwanted people by giving them space or letting them find themselves.
    Register now and start benefiting immediately, and remember - have a tranquil day.
 
 "This is really a great course. I only wish I could have taken it before my incarceration."
Charlie Manson - maximum federal penitentiary, Dullard Ohio