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| 25 yrs of political humor
How dull is Dole? 1) He’s so dull his wife falls asleep during sex. 2) His grandkids fall asleep before he tells the bed time story. 3) The last creative idea he came up with was putting fruit on his cornflakes. 4) They give away cassette tapes of his speeches at insomnia clinics.
On taxes 1) On taxes he’s got more positions than an exercise manual. 2) He’s done more about faces than a marine in basic training. Mis. 1) Dole says that the film Independence Day represents good family values. family values for the humans or the aliens? Clinton Jokes 1) He’s the only guy who goes to a baseball game and roots for both teams. 2) He waffles more than the International House of Pancakes 3) He’s got more friends in jail than the Gambino Family. 4) Clinton’s got so many friends in jail that he subscribes to Prison Quarterly 5) There are so many bankers in jail in Arkansas that they established a credit union at Arkansas State Penitentiary
Michael Dukkakis A lot of people are afraid that if we elect a Greek to the White House there will be to many hot dog carts around. There is one on every corner, now. Being president is a lot like running a Greek diner, because the White House is open 24 hrs. a day. Dukkakis is planning to run the country a lot like a diner. For instance there will be early bird specials for countries that sign agreements with us before a certain date. If the Russians agree to a nuclear arms treaty before 1990 they will be given a free beverage and desert. In fact Dukkakis is planning on opening up a donut shop in back of the White House to accommodate the secret service agents. A lot of people are afraid that if Dukkakis gets elected he will pass laws in favor of the diners. For instance one law would make it illegal to change your order, once the waitress hands it in to the cook. Dukkakis is said to be very cautious about what he says on the
campaign trail. He is generally very cautious. How cautious is he? Dukkakis is
so cautious that he had seat belts installed on his living room furniture. When
he mails a letter he puts two stamps on it in case one falls off. He wears two
watches in case one breaks. He had blood samples taken from his kids after they
were born just to make sure that they were really his. All the yuppies like Michael Dukkakis, so there is a rumor that when he becomes president he will pass laws for the yuppies. He will make the following things tax deductible: salad bars, Jacuzzis, pin-stripe suits and leather briefcases.
1) The best thing about having a president like Reagan is that when it's time to push the bomb button he won't get stage fright. 2) Jimmy Carter's idea of getting tough with the big oil companies is making the guy at the pump check your oil and wash your windows. 3) George Bush is a blue blood from Connecticut who moved out to Texas. He was real easy to spot out there. He's the guy who used to go horseback riding with the Brooks Brother's suit on.
1) I heard his kid gave Ford a ten speed bike for Christmas. The trouble is he only goes one speed. 2) Nixon used to talk to pictures of former presidents, Ford must be listening to them. 3) Ford is the kind of married guy who only knows one position. 4) Nixon ended his term in a kneeling position while Ford stumbled to the finish line.
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