Tarzan - King of the S.U.V.'s
by Steve Schuster

    Civilization comes to the jungle and Tarzan becomes a CPA.  One of his clients gets audited by the I.R.S..  Tarzan says, "big trouble with I.R.S. - me go round up animals."

    Tarzan has marital problems.  Jane says, "you're not giving me the emotional support  I need."  " Every day he goes off with the animals, and leaves me alone to take care of boy and clean the tree house."  Jane calls the Dr. Laura Schlesinger show and Dr. Laura yells at her.  So Tarzan has to go to a marriage counselor.  It's decided that Tarzan has to enroll in a 12 step program for people who are co-dependent on animals, in order to save his marriage.

    Then the animal rights people sue Tarzan for exploiting the animals.  Tarzan has to pay the animals back wages.

    Tarzan decides he needs some extra income since he installed that satellite dish in his tree-house.  So, he gets involved with real estate speculators who want to put up a shopping center where the elephant pond currently sits. Tarzan says, "if build shopping center, where elephants go."  "Look Tarzan don't worry about the elephants, they'll find some other place to go.  Worry about yourself.  What's going to happen when you get to old to swing from the trees?  Then, who's going to take care of you?"  

    Tarzan says, "screw the elephants."  He buys a new Jeep Cherokee with fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror, and starts touring shopping centers with the Philllies Phanatic and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.